At this moment, my sister is downstairs, licking chocolate chip cookie dough off a beater.

I hear the pans clank together as she wrestles them out of the cabinet. Soon, these pans will host dollops of beautifully blended butter, sugar and chocolate.

I feel like Tantalus, the mythological man who was stuck in the underworld who felt hunger and thirst, but couldn’t ever eat or drink anything.

Soon, the smell of freshly baked cookies will flood the kitchen. I have taken refuge, with an orange of course, in my bedroom.

I’ve come too far to let even cookie dough collapse my willpower. I have been satisfying my need for baked goods with other…marginally less delicious items.

Last night, I made muffins.

No, they were not the the brown sugar streusel door-stopper sized Costco muffins. Instead, I made butter/oil/sodium free “Skinny” strawberry chocolate chip muffins.

Indeed, it is possible to make muffins that aren’t fat sponges. I used egg whites and unsweetened applesauce as the “liquid” and substituted wheat flour for white flour. Chunks of fresh strawberry and chocolate chips added the perfect amount of sweetness.

Without egg yolks, the muffins were a little rubbery. And without butter, the muffins didn’t have as much body and flavor. But it definitely cured my need to bite into a sweet, carbohydrate heavy product. Paired with 1% milk, I almost forgot, mid-bite, that I was on a clean living diet.

As my sister tucks away three or four cookies, I’ll munch on my single “skinny” muffin.

And last night, I also discovered what is potentially the world’s lowest calorie snack.

Sarah had written in my meal plan “celery with salsa” as a snack. I was definitely apprehensive, as previously, I had only eaten the watery, bitter stalks when coated heavily in peanut butter.

My mom was slicing up celery for my sister’s lunch, so on a whim, I grabbed a stalk and used it as a spoon for some spicy Kroger salsa. Delicious.

I couldn’t even taste the bitter part of the celery. I tasted spicy salsa with the satisfying crunch. Celery is essentially just water and salsa is essentially just tomatoes, so I was convinced that I had discovered the perfect 25 calorie snack.

Of course, when I got home from school today, I opted for the option that was significantly higher in calories: greek yogurt with a banana and some trail mix. Dinner was clams and crab meat sauteed with onions and garlic in olive oil, and then spread over whole wheat pasta.

Even after my stellar healthy muffins, celery/salsa and relatively carbohydrate heavy dinner, I still really, really want some of that cookie dough. So I have created a chant that I repeat twice daily, starting tonight.

Celery. Yogurt. Oranges. Avocados. Hummus. Whole-wheat pasta. I love these foods. I love these foods. I love these foods.

And I love the feeling of not eating six chocolate chip cookies more than I love the feeling of actually having eaten them.